I don’t like the drugs, but the drugs like me. For a month or so, I’ve been trying to get off of Trazadone. It helps me sleep and stay sane, but without it I get so much done & never want food! My meds are in a conspiracy against me: My doctors will never cooperate with my thesis that I don’t need an antipsychotic. Trazadone was something I added for sleep and am now functionally dependent upon. And because of it, now I need a mood stabilizer! And I could so use benzo-diazepines again, if it weren’t for my friend, who thinks I’m "not responsible" with them. How many RESPONSIBLE people need attivan?? If I was responsible, I wouldn’t keep running to the shelter of a Mother’s Little Helper.

I hate smart people. I hate how they feel entitled to things. When they say they shouldn't have to work at an unfulfilling job because of how much more intelligent they are than their co-workers, I feel like they are saying, "I'm too pretty to work here with all of these ugly people." And I hate all of these movies about rebellious, irresponsible, rude children who are "special" and "unique"; have some special ability that omits them from having to behave. That they are just "misunderstood" (translation: their parents are too stupid for them to have to listen to.)

Stripping was such an awesome job. No cleaning, no boss yelling, no kissing customers' asses. All I had to do was show up on time, stay until closing, and refrain from sex, drugs, and fights for the duration between, and I was the best girl there. My boss fucking LOVED me. I loved the clothes, the music, the dancing. I know it wasn't ballet, but it was also my hobby and I became rather accomplished at it. I worked there the longest: four years.

Man, if I had my old ass back it would so be back up there! ;;)