I am ashamed.

I am ashamed that I left my husband. I do not think it was right at all.

This is certainly not what I had hoped and intended to become. I once was a person of high ideals and values. When I was young, I had a kind of fear about the things that repulsed me. I wanted to be...oh, so many things...but, it's like I recieved the prophesy of Oedipus' parents. Everything that I did, to avoid this fate, only served to bring it about.

At twenty-seven, married, with a three-year-old girl, I no longer worked. I did none of the cooking, cleaning, etc. It had come to a point where I slept ALL DAY. My husband slept for four hours in the evening before going to work at night, and I felt that I just could not go on being up with my child during that time. Just four hours a day of seeing her. I had never wanted to be like that. Everything I had ever been afraid of and repulsed by. Yeah. Me. Lazy, fat, unfaithfull. I didn't even wait for him to leave the house before I was on the net with guys.

I left.

I now live with my child in an efficiency apartment. My slumlord has done nothing about my stove that blew up or the bugs he'd told me he was having taken care of. I get less than $500 a month, plus food stamps.

And I'm happy.

I don't know what is wrong with me. But I could not stay in that house any longer. I now have my daughter all the time, and I relish her company! I don't even care that no guys want me!

I don't like what I did. But.